Jokes, Funny jokes, Romantic jokes, Adult jokes

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

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The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

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The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

" Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

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She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

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Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

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Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

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Send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth !

Milke kiya tha jo hum ne kabhi wo ekraar bhool gaya  

 Gayero ke dard ka tu humdard tha
tere sitam ka koun dard karega  

 Soni hai rahe tnha ye dil hai
mera ye gum ab koun samjhe ga
Tujh pe kiya tha dil ne kabhi wo aatebaar bhool gaya 

  Khmosh aahe roti rahi dost howa ab ajnabi
Aaso bhi chobta tha ke hum en hi raho pe chalte thy kabhi
kine khush thy teri mhbbat se hum
dil soch ker rota hai abhi
Leke aayi thi wafaye jo kabhi wo bhaar bhool gaye  

Milke kiya tha hum ne ahed hum na badlege kabhi
Qasme wadwe bhoole tu bhi eska gum nahi
Anjaan banke dosto main mera naam bhi mere yaar bhool gaya
Kaisi mhbbat thi teri jo mera pyaar bhool gaya
Milke kiya tha hum ne kabhi wo ekraar bhool gaya

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked.

"No", she replied. "He's out." 

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.

"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"

The woman went out and invited the men in"

" We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How n ice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest ."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, t he lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success !!!!!!"

*Dress Code*

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*Sick Days*

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

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*Personal Days*

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

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*Toilet Use*

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.

At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.

After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy!

You are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.

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*Lunch Break*

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast.

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*Mails*

Don't read junk and forwarded mails.

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Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,

All questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management.

>>>>>>>>>>

Q.1 RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
Ans - . TAILOR ( darzi )

Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI
Ans - . Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)

Q3. Harbhajan ask's Kumble to bring a Pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle of Pepsi but goes directly to Shehwag.? Why ?? Why ?? :-)
Ans:- Shehwag is an opener

Q5. Who kya hai Jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?
Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!

Q6. What will! U call a person who is leaving India ??
Socho...............
Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?
Ans:- Adidas

Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well.
Luv falls into the well. Why ?
Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!!!

Q.9 Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lot's of head scratching done.
Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!!

Q 10. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. Nahi pata..??
Ans:- D'Cold chain ki saans
HOPE U LIKE IT !!!!!!!

A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old woman. She was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old lady looked hungry, so he offered her some chips. She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.

Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered her a root beer. Again, she smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat

There all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.

As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave; but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old woman, and gave her a hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?" He replied, " I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and he asked, "Mother, what  did you do today that made you so happy?" She replied! "I ate potato chips in the park with God." However, before her son responded, she added, " You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! Embrace all equally!

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street.

"We just moved in, & there's no electricity in the house!"

Moral : Gather all required information before working on any project..

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"